Saturday, 12 March 2016

Devil Continues To Troll God On Twitter Despite Ban

The Lord of All Evil (the Devil) continues to defy a Twitter ban in order to send abusive messages to God according to God's latest Twitter rant.

The Lord Almighty had been tweeting about eternal life and a new meme about puppies when he broke into a rant about how he "shouldn't have to put up with this shit". He went on to say that he could "break the Internet whenever I like. It's only because I'm a loving God that I don't" and that "haters gonna hate".

Twitter were quick to point out that abusive Tweets can be reported and users can be blocked. Nonetheless it seems that The Devil is using multiple accounts and IP addresses to circumnavigate this.

After tweeting that he "came online to save you from your sins, not put up with name calling and abuse" God condemned Twitter as "full of darkness and bitterness" and appeared to suggest he was going to quit the social media channel for good. 

Although the Lord God Almighty has, as yet, not deleted his Twitter account, he hasn't Tweeted for two days. His Snapchat account appears to still be active, however.

In other news:

Local staging of The Can-can using canned goods from Cannes deemed a success

Trouble brews as beverage company uses Coldplay song as tea bag

Local pun champion shot by angry protestors

Weather: Wet side-eye to begin with; gradually giving way to oncoming traffic.

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