A new Hollywood movie about World Book Day will remove the need for anyone to read a book again.
World Book Day: The Movie is a two hour blockbuster that features some of the world's most famous books being read by some of the world's most pretentious actors.
"Never before has the publishing world be so simultaneously celebrated and decimated" said Jonathan Sideparting from PR firm Ivory Trade. "The film makers have carefully worked out what book readers love so much about reading a book: comfort, superiority and a smug head-voice. They have then created this experience in this groundbreaking piece of cinema art".
Publishers from across the world have joined together to picket cinemas screenings of the controversial film. "What people don't realise is how dangerous this film is" said Sally Upton-Overton from Contrast Books. "It's not just that publishers could lose their jobs, although that's important, it's the fact that the upper middle classes will lose yet another bragging right over the lower middle classes. Soon there won't be any delineation between the middle class at all and I for one don't want to be lumped in with the sort of people who won't even make the effort to get their children into a Church of England school".
World Book Day: The Movie will be out in movie theatres on World Book Day in both 2D and 3D.
In other news:
"Meddling kids" commit more crimes than they solve according to new survey
Smiling now the main cause of workplace smugness
Man who set up the original "Dad's taxi" firm files for bankruptcy
Weather: Serious sassy trolling until the weekend with varying chunks of overacting