Thursday, 31 October 2013
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
I’m wondering if you’re trying to make ordering a pizza a bit like a thriller movie. Perhaps you wanted to keep me on the edge of my seat, not knowing what would arrive or when. If so, then hats off to you on this wonderful new concept because that was exactly my experience. It’s just that I hadn’t asked for that and if that’s your intention then your advertising and marketing really ought to reflect it. How about, "Dominos Thriller – nobody knows when saturated fat will strike!" There you go, I’d usually charge a fortune for that sort of consultancy, and you’ve got it absolutely free. You’re welcome.
If, however, my experience isn’t what you intended, then this is a more epic fail than the 90s movie Showgirls. If you’ve not seen it then I’ve just saved you two hours of your life. If only I could get back the three and a half hours of my life that you wasted. What with my movie tips and your incompetence, you are now in a five hour deficit at very least. How much does your CEO earn in five hours? Is he going to perform the PR coup of the year by giving me what he normally earns in five hours? I’m not a betting man, but if I was I’d be gambling my Star Wars figure collection on “No, the CEO will not be giving you what he earns in five hours”.
I look forward to your response with the same sense of anticipation as a customer who has ordered a pizza on his birthday.
Yours with sausage topping
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
The US Government has partially shut down. This is how it happened.
Location: The Oval Office - Obama is sitting at his desk.
sound of computer keyboard being used
COMPUTER It looks like you're about to shut
down the US Government. Would you like me to save all the bills you have passed this session?
types on keyboard
COMPUTER You have chosen yes.
Unfortunately you have chosen the wrong file extension. Would you like me to make a copy in notepad?
OBAMA What? I can't lose Obamacare.
COMPUTER You have now saved Obamacare as a
draft. Continuing to shut down. Some of your other programs are running in the background. These include pay for Senators, members of the House of Representatives and the program titled NSA. Would you like to keep these running.
typing on keyboard
OBAMA This isn't going to plan.
COMPUTER Government will now shut down.
Warning, you may not be able to restart Government once it has shut down unless you leave some of your dialogue boxes open. Would you like a peace envoy app to be opened to help?
OBAMA Anything's worth a try
typing on keyboard
Launching Tony Blair peace envoy application.
Oh dear God no. How do you do a Force Quit on
a Windows machine?