Doubt was cast over Eastbourne's legitimacy as a town when in February an angler discovered that the Pier was in fact made of Lego. "One of the bricks just plain broke off and floated past the Wish Tower Slope" said the bemused man with too much time on his hands.
Eastbourne has long had a reputation for being populated by old people but last night it was discovered these pensioners are shipped in from nearby towns in order to make the place look older than it actually is. This came to light after one of the coach drivers who brings the elderly to the town broke the code of silence.
"The Government in the 1970s designed Eastbourne as a huge practical joke. It was meant to be an April Fool for the people of Brighton, but when the town was revealed, everyone presumed it had just always been there. At this point, the Government realised this expensive prank had gone horribly wrong, and they had to just go with it" he said.
Several of the town's key attractions are actually televisions sets from the 1960s that were no longer required by TV production companies. The historic St Mary's Church in the Old Town, originally thought to be a 12th Century building is just a left-over bit of set from an old Monty Python sketch.
It has yet to be established how much money has been wasted on this decades old practical joke, but judging by the state of the town centre, it may amount to as much as £44.22.
The future of Eastbourne has yet to be finalised after these revelations but it is believed some of the elderly who visit it regularly might decide to stay there for a while, thus making the town a viable geriatric resort.
*the author of this article was born and brought up in Eastbourne