Monday, 29 April 2013

Walk this way

Pop group The Wanted have previewed their new song "Walk Like Rihanna" today. This got me thinking about famous walks. I'm sure it's the first thing you thought about too. (That and how DOES Jay get such great volume in his hair, and how do I recreate the look?)

Musically, over the years, we have been encouraged to do many walks. Walk The Dinosaur by Was Not Was was impractical due to extinction and lack of suitable collars. The Police told us about Walking On The Moon which is fine if you can afford the rocket fare. Many have told us that you'll Never Walk Alone. I challenge that given my stomach acid issues recently.

Of course the cockney favourite The Lambeth Walk is possibly the most famous walk in London.

Then there's Kirsty Wark on Newsnight. Just because she spells it differently doesn't make her any less valid when it comes to walking.

In summary, we now have another walk to investigate. How does Rihanna walk and can I carry off the heels to adopt the walk myself?

Monday, 22 April 2013

Things to do at a wedding

I was at a fantastic wedding this weekend. I know fantastic is an overused word, but how many weddings have a free bar that runs until midnight? I feel justified in saying fantastic on this occasion, even if by 8.30pm on Saturday I was incapable of saying it, let alone spelling it.

It strikes me that there are several handy things you need to do when at a wedding.

1) Pace yourself with your drinking. There is no point in discovering there is a massive cheese platter available from 9pm when you are too drunk to taste the difference between stilton and baby bell.

2) Think of things to say at the line-up of the happy couple and relations. You have to say something to each of them and "wasn't it a lovely day" gets dull fast. Much better to say "I thought the vicar sounded like Bob Hoskins" or "Your hat looks good enough to eat". Do try to be original. Do also draw the line at comments such as "Is the bride's brother single and gay?". This question is best saved until after the first dance.

3) Line your pockets with a carrier bag. You are at an event where there is copious free food and drink. You need to be pacing yourself and probably taking some of the good stuff home so that you can enjoy it later. Especially at weddings of very rich people, this is a way of taking from the rich and redistributing wealth (well, I do live in Nottingham). If you are a guest at the wedding, and the food is laid on free, it seems perfectly reasonably and I can't for the life of me work out why I haven't yet done this. Thankfully I have three more weddings to go to this year so at this rate, I'll avoid a few supermarket shopping trips.

If you choose to use these tips do let me know how you get on. Remember, a wedding is there to be enjoyed, cherished, and used as an excuse for bloody good feed at someone else's expense.

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Oh, and by the way I'm indifferent

Facebook is allowing users in the US to add emoticons to express their feelings in statuses.

I may be missing the point here, but doesn't a decent status give you a clue to the feelings of its author?

Does "I'm feeling really happy" need a :) at the end?
Does "Sad to report my cat died" really need :( to punctuate it?
Does "Barry just joined me in the hot tub and he's brought his weight-loss shake" really need... actually we need a new one for that.

I realise it is easy to be misunderstood in this digital age.  A misinterpreted text could cause a rift in a new relationship, or in the case of North Korea it may even cause thermonuclear war.  So anything that helps us clarify our intentions may be a good thing.

I tend to believe misunderstanding can be avoided, however, with decent spelling and punctuation.  That beats an emoticon any day.  Especially if I constantly have to fly to America every time I wish to use one.