Thursday, 31 October 2013

The great big customer service fail - Domino dancing

Sinead O'Connor once sang "It's been seven hours and fifteen days, since you took your love away"

This morning I have been singing "It's been several hours and ten whole days, since you said you'd get back to me" - which is less catchy but it's a rough approximation of the time Dominos Pizza has taken to get back to me on this issue of "The great pizza saga on 2013" as it shall be forever know (see previous post here ).

Dominos offered me a £25 voucher code which is all very well but it misses the point of my slightly, ok very, sarcastic open letter to them.  Firstly a refund would be good as I don't want to buy from them again, but secondly and crucially I have asked what specific things they are going to do in order to make sure their customer service is better at the store from which I ordered on 13th October.

It's not like I'm the only person to have trouble with this store.  Look at the comments beneath my original blog post.  

Here's what I believe a great company would write - 

Dear Lloydie

Firstly, and importantly, we are very sorry for what was an unacceptable series of errors when you ordered from us on your birthday.  This is not what we strive for and we are glad that you have brought it to our attention so that we can both apologise to you and make changes at this store.

This is what we have done at the Nottingham City Centre store to correct the problem:

All customer complaints will be dealt with by a senior member of staff in a courteous and promt manner

All drivers will be taught that smiling and eye contact are important when delivering, will be encouraged to use mapping software to get to customers' homes and will always apologise if there is a problem or delay.

Our staff will answer the phone politely.

If we cannot find a house we will not blame the customer for this.

I hope this addresses your key concerns about this store and we will undertake re-training to ensure there is a better level of service in future.  

In relation to your suggestion that the CEO should give you three hours of his salary - we would like to go some way to addressing this too.  We would like to give you a full refund and £100 to a charity of your choice.  If you think that's acceptable, please give us the details of the charity to which you would like us to donate.

Once again, apologies and if you would like to test out our new, improved, service levels, the voucher code we sent you is still valid.

Warm regards

Dominos Pizza

I'm not holding my breath.....

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Pizza Update

On Monday I blogged about my experiences with Dominos Pizza in Nottingham City Centre.  It was quite the event.  You can read it here:

So what has happened since? 

Well, it turns out I'm not the only person to have an issue with this store.  Ferg, who posted in the comments below my blog, has had issues too.  In fact, he has written his own letter to them in the comments under the original blog.

Dominos have been in contact on Twitter.

Firstly, they liked my idea for "Dominos horror" but conceded it might not be everyone's cup of tea (or compensatory bottle of coke for an order that went wrong).

Secondly, they offered me a voucher code worth £25.  I have declined this because I don't want to order from them anymore and because it doesn't address the problem.  I'd like an actual refund, yes, but more pizza?  No thanks.  

Thirdly, they've said they will let me know the outcome of their talks with the store.  I've said I want to know the specific action points that will come from this.  I hate to sound like a middle manager but I fear I will when I say "I want a tailored action plan that addresses the massive deficit in customer service that this store provides".

I have some ideas on what they can do.  Smiling, being polite, delivering on time and dealing with complaints at the time in a satisfactory way would be some of those ideas.  Oh, and buying a satnav.

I look forward to hearing from Dominos.

Oh, and I still think my idea for the CEO to give me five hours' worth of his pay is a good one.

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

An open letter to Dominos Pizza

Dear Dominos

Forgive me for writing an open letter.  Part of me thinks this is unfair on you, but then the service I experienced on Sunday 13th October (my birthday) from your Nottingham City Centre branch needs some clarifying.

The ordeal started at 6.28pm on 13th October (too melodramatic?). I ordered a pizza and some dough balls.  It wasn't a big order but it still came to £20.48 which is quite a bit.  I guess you pay for convenience these days, except nothing about my experience was convenient.

After 70 minutes no pizza arrived but you know what, mistakes happen.  I called and was told it was my fault as my phone wasn't working.  Strange, I thought, as my brother had called me just before I ordered from you.  Also, aren't you supposed to find my door to deliver to me?  It's easily found on Apple Maps - and we all know if Apple Maps can do it then any old mapping software can do it.

I was told my pizza would be re-delivered.  I asked if it could be delivered hot because, well, that's how I enjoy it.  I know, I'm weird like that.  It was delivered.  The delivery guy did not apologise. The pizza was cold.  So were the dough balls.  Also it looked like it had been shaken like a cocktail.  Is the cocktail pizza a thing now?  Is it similar to twerking?  Are pizzas shaken while someone twerks?  It's probably on the list of options next to stuffed crust and "the obseity fueller". I'm sorry I missed out on this because I would have asked for a non-twerked pizza if I had know.  Here is a picture of the pizza you delivered - it's twerk-tastic.

I called and complained.  I was told you don't twerk while delivering pizzas and that I'd get a fresh one but no dough balls as them being cold was still my fault.  My poor cold dough balls (no jokes about that thanks.  I'm sensitive).  I was welcome to call to complain if I wanted to but not that night as you were too busy.  It had to be the following morning, ideally at 11am.

At 9.12pm I call you again.  You have not delivered the pizza.  You do not know why you haven’t.  You apologise.  You say I’ll get extra Coke and a garlic pizzabread thing.  Um, thanks.  I get called by you again to confirm the order I just had confirmed.  Efficiency seems to run rife in your organisation.  Also, you calling me seems to confirm that my phone is indeed working.  I'm glad about that.  I'm still waiting for Tina Fey to call to offer me a writing job on her next sitcom.  I swear she's only holding back because she hasn't heard of me and I haven't submitted a spec script yet, but I credit her with instinct.  That call is on its way - just so long as I'm not on the phone to a pizza company that struggles with basic comprehension and service delivery.

At 9.45pm the pizza arrives.  The delivery guy doesn't apologise.  I have to eat late as a result and suffer severe acid reflux during the night as a result.  That is only partially your fault.  You are not responsible for my genetics and I in no way blame you for other reflux related events.

I’m wondering if you’re trying to make ordering a pizza a bit like a thriller movie.  Perhaps you wanted to keep me on the edge of my seat, not knowing what would arrive or when.  If so, then hats off to you on this wonderful new concept because that was exactly my experience.  It’s just that I hadn’t asked for that and if that’s your intention then your advertising and marketing really ought to reflect it.  How about, "Dominos Thriller – nobody knows when saturated fat will strike!"  There you go, I’d usually charge a fortune for that sort of consultancy, and you’ve got it absolutely free.  You’re welcome.


If, however, my experience isn’t what you intended, then this is a more epic fail than the 90s movie Showgirls.  If you’ve not seen it then I’ve just saved you two hours of your life.  If only I could get back the three and a half hours of my life that you wasted.  What with my movie tips and your incompetence, you are now in a five hour deficit at very least.  How much does your CEO earn in five hours?  Is he going to perform the PR coup of the year by giving me what he normally earns in five hours?  I’m not a betting man, but if I was I’d be gambling my Star Wars figure collection on “No, the CEO will not be giving you what he earns in five hours”.


I look forward to your response with the same sense of anticipation as a customer who has ordered a pizza on his birthday.

Yours with sausage topping


Wednesday, 2 October 2013

The US Government - shutting it down

The US Government has partially shut down.  This is how it happened.

Location: The Oval Office - Obama is sitting at his desk.
sound of computer keyboard being used
          It looks like you're about to shut
          down the US Government.  Would you
          like me to save all the bills you
          have passed this session?
types on keyboard
          You have chosen yes.
          Unfortunately you have chosen the
          wrong file extension.  Would you
          like me to make a copy in notepad?
          What?  I can't lose Obamacare.
          You have now saved Obamacare as a
          draft.  Continuing to shut down.
          Some of your other programs are
          running in the background.  These
          include pay for Senators, members
          of the House of Representatives
          and the program titled NSA. Would
          you like to keep these running.
typing on keyboard
          This isn't going to plan.
          Government will now shut down.
          Warning, you may not be able to
          restart Government once it has
          shut down unless you leave some of
          your dialogue boxes open.  Would
          you like a peace envoy app to be
          opened to help?
          Anything's worth a try
typing on keyboard


          Launching Tony Blair peace envoy application.


          Oh dear God no. How do you do a Force Quit on 

          a Windows machine?