Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Five TV Shows They Should Update in Some Way


The X-Files is about to make a return, but there are plenty other shows that deserve another chance too.

Beverley Hills 90210 - The retirement years.
Let's follow the class that eventually got so old that they ended up getting plastic surgery and moving to an old people's residential complex. All the drama - none of the facial expressions.

Facebook Friends
The cast of Friends have now moved to different neighbourhoods so they sit in six different coffee shops and have a group conversation on Facebook Messenger to discuss how no one told them life was going to be this way in their late 40s.

Paddington Takes The City
Paddington Bear, the cute young bear who was adopted after being left at Paddington Station, London, has now grown up. As a fully grown bear he feeds out of waste bins and terrorises huge sections of the population. There's a fully grown bear on the loose guys. Drama!

Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles
Donatello is worried that his pension plan won't pay out enough and he accidentally put the crucial bit of paperwork connected with it into the shredder. Michelangelo is morbidly obese due to excess pizza consumption.

He-Man's Gay Cruise
He-Man no longer needs to protect the secrets of Castle Greyskull since he uploaded them into the cloud so he's gone on a gay cruise. Now He-Man can walk on deck with his super-short shorts and hook up with guys that look absolutely nothing like Skeletor.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

Five Book Reading Positions To Drive Your Librarian Wild

New Year, new book. If you want to stand out from the crowd amongst the musty hardbacks, here are five book reading positions guaranteed to get you a page turn!

Missionary:

Reading the bible is especially rewarding when reading it to others in a developing country.

Doggie:

Reading is a pleasure in and of itself but when one has a canine companion nestled in one's lap, it feels like your companion is right there in the heart of the action, even if you're reading the latest catalogue from the Edinburgh Woollen Mill.

Scissor Sisters:

Old books can make a splendid excuse for a craft project. Get those scissors and see what you can make of that old paperback copy of Mein Kampf.

Spooning:

Reading, contrary to popular belief, burns calories so grab the ice cream (or FroYo if you've got a beard and thick rimmed specs) and dip in your spoon. You get intellectual stimulation AND oral stimulation. There are literally no other types of stimulation I can think of.

Reverse Cowboy:

Get on a horse backwards and read that book. Read it real good. Read it until you're saddle sore and in need of a lie-down and a stiff gin.