Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Brexit Campaigners Release Map Of The Little England They Want

The campaign for Britain to leave the EU finally bowed to pressure and released the map of the Little England they want.

The map clearly shows a breakaway Scotland making more money from haggis than England will from hipster light-fittings (a market that's likely to decline due to large numbers of educated hipsters emigrating).

The Remain campaign say the map is full of holes. They claim it clearly shows Brexiters have no idea how to make a map. There were also claims the map has clearly been made on Swiss cheese. A spokesperson for Brexit said "Of course it's made of Swiss cheese. The Swiss have special bi-lateral treaties with Europe so we used their cheese to illustrate the holes in our arguments".

The map also appears to dispense with the M25 under a lump of Branston Pickle.

One political correspondent commented "This appears to be the work of someone's lunch"

The UK votes on whether or not to become as useful as a slice of cheese next month.

In other news:

Animatronic Donald Trump ruled unconvincing due to convincing hair

Can opening championship claims seven people to repetitive strain injury

Themed pub admits theme of "closed down pub" was misguided

Weather: High visibility sass with sick beats by dusk. In summary: Beyoncé.